Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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