Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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