I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
