someone threw a dead crab at me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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