I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just invented taco cereal.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
