You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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