we're chasing vodka with high fives
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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