I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
