OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
