the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
