This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize