then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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