you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize