yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
