xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
