Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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