I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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