just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize