tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
