If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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