I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
