I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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