Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i think i just lost a toe
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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