I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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