I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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