Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
