I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
