Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
