Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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