btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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