So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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