my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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