I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
