he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize