Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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