dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
