I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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