If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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