i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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