sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
