There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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