I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
