So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
