please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
