Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
