Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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