i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
love makes seman taste better
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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