I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
