I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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