Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
