That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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