Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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