God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
