how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
