dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
