I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
