he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
