Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're too hungover to prance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
