Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
