im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
