obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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