turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
