so that wasnt chicken after all
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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