then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Acid is not a monday night drug
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
