Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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