i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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