and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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