Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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