where am i from again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize