you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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