Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
