Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
