I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
