it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize