last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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